I got some 'splainin to do!

It's time to dust off the ole blog, but it's for good reasons.  Seems I went and got myself into a situation of sorts...

And with this situation comes a lot of joy and a lot of people saying incredibly nice things to me and also a LOT of questions.  I thought this would be the best way to answer the ones I can think of.

Q: ARE YOU SERIOUS?
A: Abso-friggin-lutely.

Q: How far along are you?
A: As of today, almost 13 weeks. My due date is mid-June, but for twins, full-term is 38 weeks. So we shall see!

Q: What did you do when you found out?
A: Well, nothing really? So, I found out around 8 weeks, at my second ultrasound at Shady Grove. They'd only seen one on the first ultrasound 2 weeks prior, so I wasn't expecting any big news. I told the AMAZING Dr. Levens I'd been feeling super zonked-out tired since my last appointment. Then, he and the ultrasound tech went quiet, which isn't something a brand new pregnant lady wants to experience. Right before I shouted, "I AM STILL PREGNANT, RIGHT?", Dr. Levens finally answered. "I see why you've been so tired-- there are two of them!"

Sure enough, clear as day, two little gummy bears were on the screen. I was mostly just shocked more than anything else. I started laughing a little maniacally as I am wont to do in new situations, and I told a story (shocking!) about how I'd made a joke months before about how it'd be easier if I got pregnant with twins so I'd only have to go through this one.

Ha. Ha. Ha.

That was my last appointment at Shady Grove. I "graduated" to my regular OB after that. But that day, I was the talk of the office. Half the staff came by to see the face of the lady with "surprise twinnies!" Said face was beet red for hours, and I had to GO TO WORK after I found out this news. Believe me, it was the weirdest day of work I've ever had.

So, that's my story of surprise twinnies.

Q: Do you know the genders yet?
A: Not yet, and I likely won't until the beginning of  next year. I'll post that when it happens to see if I have a Cather & Wren or a Fred & George or a Brandon & Brenda. HOWEVER...

Q: Are they identical?
A: Nope! They are fraternal. Thus I'm far more likely to have Walshes than Weasleys. (Here's hoping for some gingers, though!) For now, we've been referring to them as "the twinkies" which is a nickname given to them by my father-in-law or, in typical Futurama nerd style, Wingus and Dingus.

Q: Do twins run in your family?
A: In my husband's but that's not how this happened.  I mentioned Shady Grove above here and I wrote a post over at the incredible ladyblog collaboration I've been involved with called "Good Morning Good Morning" where I came clean about some struggles I'd been facing. Full disclosure: I wrote that blog before I found out, but it went live AFTER I already knew I was pregnant. Either way, I didn't feel bad publishing it because it was all true of what I'd been experiencing for the last year or so. If you'd like to know more about that, I'm more than willing to chat about it. In person or over email, though.

Q: Are you excited?
A: SO.

Q: Are you terrified?
A: SO.

Q: Will you name them all J names since you're Jessica and your hubs is Jack?
A: I don't want to go all Duggar-y, but it might happen. All J name recommendations in comments!

Q: How are you feeling?
A: Tired and, depending on the day, a tad barfy. That should go away soon hopefully. I mostly just want to eat all the things but by "all the things" I mean the four foods I find to be delicious and literally nothing else.

Q: Can I send you a ton of presents to show you how much I love you?
A: Always.

Phenomenal Woman

(I wanted to type this out, physically, piece by piece, so that the words would sink into my skin and my soul would absorb them.  Perhaps you need that experience as well, so I pass this on to you.  Thank you for your soul-absorbent words, Dr. Angelou. The world will miss you.)

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

20 Ways To Piss People Off in 1999

Look at this treasure of a gif I found today!!

forever lololololol

So, while on vacation last week (oh, I went on a two week vacation to Seattle, Portland, and San Francisco, and I hope to blog about it soon, but that's another story for another entry)... what, where was I?

Oh, right.

While on vacation last week, I was thinking about some old saved emails I have in my Yahoo email account, which I've had since... the late 90s? I think? Man, old lady is old.  Anyway, yesterday, I decided to take a little sneak peek into the email archive to see if I had any beauties.  And boy howdy, did I!

Today, I would like to share with you an email I received from one Ambuler81 on July 28, 1999, entitled, "20 Ways to Piss People Off."  Of course, I had to share this with Ambuler herself, which I assume made her day.  After many requests to share the entire list, I find myself here today.  If you're having a bad day, please see the list below.  I hope this makes you smile.  If it doesn't, look at the gif at the top of this post again.  I will never stop laughing at it.

Right... to the list!

1. Go to the library. About every 15 minutes, walk up to the same guy and joke, "Working hard, or hardly working?"

2. At the dentist, start screaming as soon as you open your mouth.

3. Stand in front of the T.V. when your dad is watching a big game.

4. Every 30 minutes or so, call your friend who is baby-sitting and breathe into the phone.

5. Whenever someone asks you a question, say, "What?" as soon as they start to ask again cut them off with another "What?"

6. When someone asks to borrow paper, say, "Do you think paper grows on trees?" Then laugh hysterically.

7. Send e-mails to your friends with subjects reading "You'll never believe this!!!!!" Then leave the inside blank.

8. Put garlic powder inside the shower head in the bathroom (of course after you have taken a shower first).

9. Break into your fave celeb's house, wear their clothes and wait patiently to be arrested.

10. Fill your mouth with crackers at the table and talk to everyone.

11. Go to McDonalds and order lobster. After they explain they don't have it, storm out shouting, "I should have gone to Wendy's!!!!"

12. Tell a friend they have something on the face when they don't. Keep telling them to wipe harder.

13. When the lights go out at the movies, make barfing noises.

14. While on vacation with your family, suddenly scream, "Did someone remember to unplug the iron!?!?! "

15. Make up a joke that takes 10 minutes to tell and has no punchline.

16. When answering the phone say, "Yellow?"

17. Go to the store and buy a lot of things, only use all pennies to pay with.

18. Keep asking people at the bus stop "Cold enough for ya?" every couple of minutes.

19. While someone is taking a shower, steal their towel.

20. Speak with a fake British accent all day.

thx for the lols, past amber

"Roll again-- don't be stupid."

This weekend, we hosted my in-laws, as we usually do around this time of year.  I always love spending time with them, and this time was no exception.  We explored the National Building Museum, ate our collective weight in chicken taco soup and banana pudding, and agreed that when someone asks if you're a god, you say yes.

As is our tradition, we also gathered around the dining room table for a rousing game-- this year, we decided to go with Skip-Bo.  Brother-in-law won by leaps and bounds, for which we are equal parts proud and envious.  See, we are a very competitive lot, and while we love one another, we also love to school one another in any way possible.  These games get very intense, and there are often "disagreements" that result in threats of divorce.  Everyone has their own strategy, and no one should ever question it.  In fact, the only thing we agree on comes from Trivial Pursuit: when given a choice between a Roll Again or a Question space, you always "roll again-- don't be stupid."  It can be said in one quick exhale to speed the game along; it can be shouted at your teammate when they try to move your pie in the wrong direction; it is usually declared in unison by all six of us while raising our glasses in the air.  It's not much, but it's all we got.

I bring up games with the in-laws because of an interesting conversation I had with my father-in-law. After dinner, while we were avoiding clean-up, FIL asked me a question that usually sends me into a mental panic.

"So Jess, with all of your reviews and writer friends and such, when are you going to write us a book?"

That is a good question, FIL.

Anyone who's ever told loved ones about their passion for writing has heard this question, and those folks know there were many ways I could have answered.  I could say that writing doesn't interest me.  I could tell him that I don't have any ideas for a good story.  I could change the subject to something, anything, else.  However, I'm going through my own personal things right now, and I don't have room in my head or heart to be anything other than honest.

So, I tell him the truth.  I tell him that writing and completing a novel is ultimately my goal.  I tell him I have story ideas that I need to get out of my head and onto paper.  I talk about my writer friends and how they've been so helpful just by asking me about my progress and keeping me honest.  I even break bad on myself and tell him how much I find myself to be my own worst enemy.  "I'm so full of excuses," I say. "I just need to shut up and write."  He mentions NaNoWriMo (which I tried in 2012), and I tell him the story of how my brain turned to mushy goo when I tried NaNo, how I hid myself away that year while spending Thanksgiving with them to try and write, but it didn't work.  I shrug and say, "It can get a little daunting and scary."

He nods, and with a knowing smile, he says, "Well, roll again-- don't be stupid."

Maybe it's just been so long since I've blogged that I found inspiration in a silly place.  Maybe I need a little more sleep and a little less banana pudding.  Or maybe, just maybe, I should take a breath, believe in my own words, and push past the doubtful demons that live in my psyche.  Roll again, Jess.  Don't be stupid.