My Grandpa

Looking over my last entry makes me smile, because I was so hopeful. My quite beloved grandpa died 3 days after I wrote that. I was able to see him on the 30th (though he slept the entire day), and I kissed his fuzzy little head and giggled at his stubble (Grandpa not clean shaven was something I had never seen) and I told him I loved him and that I wouldn't be angry if he left. So, the next morning, he did. It was peaceful and painless, and it's pretty much all we can all hope for in this world: to go quietly in your sleep surrounded by loved ones holding your hands and stroking your face.

Then, I had the most surreal birthday imaginable, where I was awakened by my parents and brother singing Happy Birthday at 8:04 am (my exact birthday), doughnuts and Dunkies, watching Sunday Morning in the sun room (G-ma and G-pa's Sunday tradition), staving off all birthday wishes if possible, and looking through album after album after ALBUM of pictures for ones to use at the viewing and funeral. I looked through all the pictures Grandpa deemed worthy of albums from 1982 until 2002, when he started keeping them online. Tony went through the computer, looking through slides from the 50's until... well, 1982, I guess, and then the others kept online.

Those who know the Borashes are well aware that we are some picture and video taking people. My mom documented every Prom, every band trip, every play with her Pentax 35mm camera, making us pose and taking beautiful pictures that some people liked more than their official Prom photo. My dad, however, is much worse. My life is literally on video. Every play, every concert from school and church, every milestone, every everything is on tape. Some friends have stated that they didn't know what my dad's full face looked like until after high school, when the camera was small enough to be handheld. In case you were wondering, we got that from Grandpa. Holy crap, did we ever.

We spent the next few days in a family bubble. When we went out into the real world, it was jarring and strange. I preferred to stay at Grandma's or our hotel. Being outside didn't feel right. I wanted the comfort of Jack and my family, and we all needed to be together. It was actually kind of nice. Usually, when we're all packed in one place like that, it gets really tense. There were moments, but we managed. Now, we have to look toward the future. None of us knows what is to come, but we know now that we can face it together.

Also, I've been watching so much Buffy lately, it's kind of insane. However, it kept my mind from reeling, and that was just what I needed.

Trying Not To But Still...

Stressing.

So my grandpa has pretty much been sick off and on for a long time. He's 83 now, so that sort of comes with the territory. He was taken to the hospital yesterday because he was very weak. They gave him some fluids and meds, and his doctor(s) are figuring out what will be better for him since his new regimen is OBVIOUSLY not working as well as it should. Presently, I have no reason to be stressed, but I am still on edge.

He's been my only grandpa. Ever. My mom never really knew her dad, and her granpda that raised her died before I was born. I have had 3 grandmothers (my mom's bio-mom, her grandmother that raised her, and my dad's mom), 1 great-grandmother, and him. He's been my lone grandpa, and he is totally awesome. He's kind and happy and love-love-loves his grandkids. He treats us all like we are important and special to him, and it's something I cherish. As I've gotten older, I have loved to talk to him and see how his sense of humor is something that has been passed to me. I feel proud when I can make my granpda giggle, and I love the fact that he finds my jokes funny. We've had a nice bond as I've grown, and I like that our relationship has changed to where he doesn't treat me like a child, despite the fact that I am 55 years younger than him.

I know I'm getting ahead of myself by thinking of this, and he's been in the hospital before. Somehow, though, this is really getting to me. I know whatever will be will be (the future's not ours to see, que sera sera...), but still. Ugh.

On a happier note, I'm quite excited to go to "This Is It" with Lindsey tomorrow, and I'm looking forward to my b-day on Sunday. I haven't been running this week due to rain, so hopefully tonight will be a good night for it. I really wish we had the room/money for a treadmill so I could run at home when it rains and watch Buffy while I run. Then it would feel like I'm running toward David Boreanaz, which sounds quite lovely...

Varina Blue Devils party like it's 1999?

Lately, there has been some hilarious drama and speculation about my 10 year high school reunion. The class of 1999 planning committee (i.e. two girls who were student council members in 1999) sent out emails about 9-10 months ago, stating that we needed to send them $50 so we could have a reunion. While I understand that it costs a lot of money to put on one of these things, I had no idea where I was going to be 10 days from then. How could I possibly know if I would be able to attend the reunion 10 MONTHS from that email? So, no, I sent nothing in.

Apparently, neither did any of the other 300 people I graduated with.

Now, people are p-i-s-e-d. We are (according to facts on Facebook) the first class in FORTY-TWO YEARS to not have a 10 year reunion. That is so terribly hilarious, it hurts a little. One of the girls who sent out the aforementioned email has since gotten married and the other has a baby and, according to stories heard recently, too many other things to worry about. So, people on Facebook have decided to send messages to the newlywed about the reunion. This started one of the best back-and-forth status comment wars I have seen in a long time, with the newlywed’s OLDER SISTER telling people that they are bitter and unhappy and need prayers for a better life.

Are we actually ADULTS?

I don’t know why I’m surprised by any of this. Varina is a very interesting place to grow up. It’s a huge and varied area, and so you get people like me who grew up VERY close to the Richmond City limits and people who grew up in farm country with cows and corn and jacked-up trucks and… you get the picture. Anyway, you get those two groups of people in the same school, which makes for a weird setting. In addition, though it’s near the city, it’s very isolated so you have to make your own fun. Boredom leads to stupid decisions, and then you find out all your friends have slept with the same guy who is now trying (quite unsuccessfully) to hit on you. Everyone knows everyone’s business, and that’s how we thrive. Drama and gossip are a way of life in Varina.

The weirdest part is that, it follows you. I have not lived in Richmond since 2005, and I can’t escape the drama. Worse than that, I kind of love it. Varina drama is my favorite kind because it rarely involves me. I have a friend from my high school days that also went to JMU with me, and we’ve been able to continue our relationship into something better than it was at the start. Part of this is because we both love the drama, but it’s also because we were always on the outside using common sense, watching our friends make terrible mistakes. All of his friends “dated” all of my friends, and we are the lucky ones that escaped virtually unscathed.
So now, I find myself in the midst of the newest drama, and it’s funny and nostalgic and probably more entertaining than an actual reunion would ever be, but it still makes me a little sad. Are we all so caught up in the past that we can’t get over ourselves? Does it matter what someone said to me or what I said to others when I was 14? I know people have lots of different views about who I was and what I used to do, but I’m a different person now. I don’t care if we never spoke in high school; I like to talk to people and find out where they are. I like to think about the decisions they made and see how they have thrived. I spent 13 years with some of these people, and I think that means something. Thinking about this has made me realize that, as much as I mocked and teased about this, I would have liked to attend a reunion.

So, instead of the traditional reunion, my BFF Lindsey and I are planning to celebrate 10 years since high school and over 20 years of friendship by going to Mars bar in Richmond and dancing and laughing and talking about how dumb we were and probably still are. I don’t know when this will happen, but I’m already looking forward to it. (If you’ve never had the chance to go to Mars bar, lemme tell you, it’s totally awesome. 80’s music and good drinks and no one is there to impress anyone else? My kind of place!) I say, everyone else do the same. Find that person from your old days that makes you happy, and celebrate your past and present and future. Clink your glasses and make a toast to 10 more years of drama and stories. 10 more years of friendship. 10 more years until we get to do this all over again!

Tuesday Telly

I hate that there are so many great things on TV on Thursday, and then there's Tuesday. There's 90210, which I think I might have to break up with, and The Biggest Loser, which I actually like to watch while I eat junk food. Which defeats the purpose of watching it. Either way, why can't Vampire Diaries come on tonight? Why must Thursday be packed full of awesome hotness? Bones, VampDiaries, The Office, Community, and Grey's? (Warning: some awesome may be much greater than others.) However, on the Tuesday front, I've already eaten some ice cream, so now all I have to do is cry over the sad stories and the drama and the "LAST CHANCE WORKOUTS!"

Speaking of tears and workouts, I am officially. For Real This Time. Trying to run. I found this couch-to-5K thing online, and so I thought I'd try it. It takes like 9 weeks, and I'll be running 3.1 miles by the end of it. It seems to be subtle enough that I could do it. I really need to do something, and I've felt like I'd like running for years. However, every time I try, I get fed up and I stop. There's no reason for me to do that. This past weekend at the AIDS walk was a real motivator to do something with my life, to do something with myself. It's all up to me, and I know I can do it.

Must go now. Dog needs petting.

well it's a shame, i'm a dream.

I've been listening to Paramore's new album via YouTube the past few days. They were streaming it from their website, which crashed, and then they moved it to Myspace, which I can't look at from work. A total stranger who is my new best friend put the entire album online, and hence, YouTube. The last track on the new CD, "All I Wanted," is incredible. I've listened to it lots of times today, at least into double digits. I love it.

That's all.

change is gonna come.

I decided to change the look of things around here just a bit. It was getting boring. Now, something that is hilarious to me, the picture at the top covers knitting AND television. And Grey's Anatomy. I probably should have posted a picture of a vampire since they are my current most fave thing, but alas, I don't know if they knit. Pam does needlepoint, but True Blood has not caught up with Sookie's books yet...

THINGS I AM EXCITED FOR:
+new Paramore album on Tuesday
+thinking of things to knit
+all the awesome TV on tonite (vampire diaries, bones, the office, grey's)
+the possibility of seeing an old friend this weekend
+new moon in november

random television

Am I the only person that still watches Grey's Anatomy? I know it's nowhere near as good and cheesy as it used to be, but still, I like it. I think it's replaced that hole in my heart from when Dr. Greene died and I stopped watching ER.

In other news, "The Secret Garden" is on STARZ right now, and I'm too excited. I L-O-V-E-D this movie when I was little, the book too, and now I'm all glad it's on. This is a bizarre plot for a children's book. A bed-ridden hypochondriac that's in love with his cousin, a Huck Finn-esque local boy who speaks to animals, and a bitchy emo orphan girl who's obsessed with gardens? Random. However, Dame Maggie Smith is the nurse, and she rules.