2500 pages later...

last sunday, my SO soon-to-be new sister handed me a bag containing 4 books: twilight, new moon, eclipse, and breaking dawn.  she warned me that i would become obsessed.  she warned me about the draw of edward cullen and how he can make even the most wonderful guy seem like a jerk.  even her sister told me to be wary of how jack may react and how he would not understand.  i opened twilight that following monday and starting reading.  since then, i have devoured all 4, cover to cover.

i've been wanting a new story to cling to since my beloved harry potter ended.  i know it's silly, but i spent years with the characters JK created, and to be finished with them left me something to be desired.  granted, i loved deathly hallows, but it's sad to have it end at all.  this complex tale about eternal teenage vampires seemed so ridiculous on the surface, but it drew me in with as much charm as edward cullen as on... the entire female population.

what makes me love it more that i thought is that reading these tales has inspired me.  i feel like there's nothing i can't do, nothing i'm not capable of.  there is nothing holding me back, and no reason i should ever feel held back.  i should never be ashamed to express myself as i feel, be who i am, act like i feel.  as i've gotten older, i feel like i've lost some of the fire and passion that used to accompany me everywhere.  i seem to feel much more awkward in my head as the years go, and it makes me feel sort of trapped.  now, for some reason, my mind has cleared, and i'm realizing that i have no reason to feel so trapped, to feel so awkward.  i am who i am, and i don't have to apologize for that.  i feel like i'm 15 all over again, only... with hindsight.  i'm ready to take on new challenges and open new doors for myself.  i have some personal plans in mind, but i need to compile and organize them a bit first.  in general, though, i've had an awakening.

and i love it.