Thursday, May 20, 2010

Ventin' & Plannin' (the original Wishin' & Hopin')

Having another one of those frustrated days.  Every time I feel like I have a hold on this feeling, I have a day like this that thrusts me right back into the pit.  It's such a pain.  I'm just so... burnt out.  I'm so irritated and frustrated.  The worst part to me is that I'm irritated and frustrated about a topic that I can't discuss on the interwebs, but this is my best way of expressing myself and dealing with things, which then makes me more frustrated, and there was an old woman who swallowed the fly.  Blah blah.  I could write it down, but I'm nervous to write it down because THAT'S how I make crazy discoveries about myself, and I really don't want to have one of those epiphanies that backfires.  I don't know why she swallowed the fly.

This isn't helping.

I just feel like I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, more than I'm used to dealing with.  It feels like it's starting to cave in, though it's probably not.  The stress and anger and issues of the past few years seem to have just piled up, and I feel unable to stop it.  It's like a self-inflating balloon... which I don't know if that even exists... maybe a better metaphor is one of those inflating punching things.  You know, the ones with the weighted bottoms so where you can just punch it and punch it and no matter how hard you hit it, it keeps popping up and mocking you with its stupid clowny face?  Ugh, THAT is what it feels like.  Like I'm punching this crap as hard as I can to make it GO AWAY, and yet it KEEPS COMING BACK.  When will this feeling end?  When will I feel like I'm finally on some kind of track?  I don't care about my instinctual feeling that everything will turn out right; I want to know WHEN it will.  Errrrrrrrrrgh.

Surprisingly, that DID help.

Lots of TV tonight, and I'm loving my DVR because of it.  If I didn't have it, I'd be dooooooomed.  It's a delicate process, and this two hour Grey's has really thrown a wrench in the usual clockwork of Thursdays (I originially typed "wench" instead of "wrench" and now I can't stop laughing).  So, at 8, it's live watching Bones and taping Community, at 9 I would LIKE it to be live watching Grey's and taping The Office, and then I'd like to watch the taped stuff tomorrow.  HOWEVER, I'm fairly certain I'm gonna lose that battle, and we're gonna live watch The Office at 9 followed by the recorded Community, and I'm gonna end up staying up later than I want to finish this crazy Grey's. From the 7 minute clip I saw on Hulu, it looks VERY similar to the plot of ER where Carter and Lucy got stabbed, which is like my favorite ERs ever, so... I'm pretty much stoked.  That might sound a little disturbing, but I don't much care.  I'm so excitedI'm so... scared.

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