Sunday, March 25, 2012

Day 25 – A character who you can relate to the most

Saw Hunger Games for the second time last night, and of course I still loved it.  There's a part near the end of the film that I can't stop thinking about because I adore the ever-loving crap out of it, though I won't say what it is for fear of spoilers.  Either way, I'm already thinking about seeing it for a third time.

And so my craziness is the topic of the day.  Here's the character I can relate to the most.

Lily from Dash & Lily's Book of Dares by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan
(image courtesy of

I try not to hide the fact that I am weird.  Most of the time, I let my weirdness out into the world without too much fanfare, because I am who I am and I can't do much about it at this point.  I talk too much and I feel awkward in all social situations even when I'm among friends and I overshare, and even if none of these things are actually happening anywhere but in my head, the fact of the matter is that those thoughts are always running through my head.  I'm not saying this so people will tell me I'm not awkward or weird or any of those things; I'm stating what I feel to be true.

This is why I relate so much to Lily.  She is written to be a sort of Manic Pixie Dream Girl, but I think there's more to her than that.  Something about her resonated with me as I read her words.  The kicker for me was the last line of her Worst Christmas Ever story: "It was the Christmas I realized I was the weird girl."

I have had a lot of revelations like that.

Unlike Lily, I didn't go through any of that kind of bullying, nor was I picked last for teams or anything like that.  I always had friends who liked me for me, and I usually didn't have a problem making friends when I was growing up.  (No, the self-fulfilling, self-aware awkwardness didn't start until I was much older.)  I'm often just the oddball of the group.  I've gotten kind of used to it, though I do wonder if I will ever reach a day when I say something I think is funny/interesting/true and the people I'm talking to won't all look down at the floor in uncomfortable silence.  (As Hassan would say to Colin in An Abundance of Katherines, "Kafir, not interesting.")

However, I admire Lily so much for being herself and understanding so much about herself at such a young age.  I wish I could do that.  I wish I could dance openly, freely, carelessly in a crowd of strangers while experiencing a klezmer band for the first time.  I wish I could rock a pair of majorette boots.  I wish I could finally come to terms with all those awkward feelings and finally learn to entirely embrace the crazy inside.

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